Returning

God is at work. He is speaking. He’s been telling me the beasts, the ugly things that have been locked in my heart for the past however many years. 

Turning back. Turning back to Him, who gives the source of life. Coming back to the fountain and drink from Him. I eager for the life and loving relationship that Theresa of Avila had with Him. I desire to experience the first love once again. I thirst, for the cross of Christ to crush me once again and help me to see, the pain that He had to experience.

I look up into heaven, the sky is open, the wounded lamb is waiting.

“Lord I came into your presence in this quietness, in this stillness. Lord I confess all the wrongs that i’ve done, bitterness that i’ve held for years and years, bitterness that i had against you. Lord i’m sorry and i surrender all, surrender all of my life to you. I will, from this moment on, do what you tell me to. I will, from this day on, go where you ask me to go. you paid the price and bought me. i’m yours and you are mine. let me taste the sweetness of you, once again, let me drink from you, so that i will never thirst again. teach me to love you, more and more every day.

Father. I call you Father today, for the first time. you know, it’s not easy for me. I trust your redeeming power. You are going to be the Father that i’ve ever wanted. “

i bow down. I felt my Lord placing His hand on my head. He told me that He loves me. He loves and thus died for me. He’s glad that I’m turning back to Him, not holding anything against Him. He’s happy that we can love each other again, sweet love like what we had before. 

my heart felt warm and tears dropped. i felt sorry for what i’ve done. i felt sorry, not guilty. i know that Jesus has already forgiven me. I know that I’m forgiving my father, and others that hurt me. i once again experienced the redeeming love and amazing grace that He offered me. 

Lord I love you, I will love you forever. Lord bring me close, so close to you. I want to be at home, with you.